Well, I've decided to stop this for the time being. I don't know why, but I can't write like I used to before. I used to speak freely within my blogs but recently, I find it hard to even write anything meaningful without saying something too personal for the world to know. I feel my "secret diary" isn't so secret anymore.
So this will be the last update in a while. No doubt I'll keep writing, just not here.
-Phil
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
70%
It has been pretty much a week since I got back from Korea. That trip was awesome. This entry is a blog I wrote while on missions. This was after the first E-camp and before the Air Force retreat.
8/1/10
It's finally less than a week until I go back to California... already?
I can't believe it's almost over. I just can't believe it. The experiences and emotions of the trip were unique to this group and I can't thank God enough for putting each and every one of us on the team.
The times at Wonju will be memories that I will keep very close and dear to my heart. The children, the volunteers, the church staff members, even the head pastors. They are people that I will never forget. I will hold them close to my heart for the rest of my life.
But I have to remember this mission isn't over yet. God still has great things planned for this team and I'm anxious. I wonder what the Air Force children will act like. I wonder if they will come to respect us and love us as we love them back.
In the next three days, we will be blessed with more children from the Air Force academy. I know God has put a heart to be loved in each and every one of them, and I hope that we will be vessels for God's love to be poured onto them.
I learned a lot about myself on this trip also. What I can do, what I can't do, what I like, what I don't like, how I come off to others, how others influence me.
But that is for another day, another blog, another time.
God, use me as a tool for your Word and your Love to spread unto others.
-Phil
8/1/10
It's finally less than a week until I go back to California... already?
I can't believe it's almost over. I just can't believe it. The experiences and emotions of the trip were unique to this group and I can't thank God enough for putting each and every one of us on the team.
The times at Wonju will be memories that I will keep very close and dear to my heart. The children, the volunteers, the church staff members, even the head pastors. They are people that I will never forget. I will hold them close to my heart for the rest of my life.
But I have to remember this mission isn't over yet. God still has great things planned for this team and I'm anxious. I wonder what the Air Force children will act like. I wonder if they will come to respect us and love us as we love them back.
In the next three days, we will be blessed with more children from the Air Force academy. I know God has put a heart to be loved in each and every one of them, and I hope that we will be vessels for God's love to be poured onto them.
I learned a lot about myself on this trip also. What I can do, what I can't do, what I like, what I don't like, how I come off to others, how others influence me.
But that is for another day, another blog, another time.
God, use me as a tool for your Word and your Love to spread unto others.
-Phil
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Overflowing Love
Amazing. Just amazing.
It's crazy how a messed up person like me can be used as God's tool to spread his love. This past four days really blessed me in ways unimaginable.
Four days ago, I never thought I would cry for those kids. Four hours ago, I was on the top of the stairs of the church laughing, crying, loving the moment, and hating the moment at the same time. Crazy huh?
Four days ago, I saw a bunch of kids who put up barriers and were stone cold. Four hours ago, I saw a bunch of kids who were crying with us, who were full of energy and life, and who were full of love.
My heart hurts because of these kids. The simple action of asking to hold my hand, hugging me randomly, or even tackling me to pet my hair pulls on my heartstrings. I've never had anybody ask to be loved. And when these kids threw those longing hearts onto me, I couldn't help but to get so attached to them. And when those connections and precious moments are suddenly stopped by the end of the E-camp, my heart hurts.
I'm so thankful for God giving me the eyes to see the transformation of the kids' hearts. The kids from day 1 were not the kids from day 4. They changed because of us, and we changed because of them.
I can't even put all my thoughts and emotions into words because they are so raw. God provides and he uses us, his tools, to spread his love. You only have to be willing and you will also be blessed.
I love these kids and I always will.
-Phil
It's crazy how a messed up person like me can be used as God's tool to spread his love. This past four days really blessed me in ways unimaginable.
Four days ago, I never thought I would cry for those kids. Four hours ago, I was on the top of the stairs of the church laughing, crying, loving the moment, and hating the moment at the same time. Crazy huh?
Four days ago, I saw a bunch of kids who put up barriers and were stone cold. Four hours ago, I saw a bunch of kids who were crying with us, who were full of energy and life, and who were full of love.
My heart hurts because of these kids. The simple action of asking to hold my hand, hugging me randomly, or even tackling me to pet my hair pulls on my heartstrings. I've never had anybody ask to be loved. And when these kids threw those longing hearts onto me, I couldn't help but to get so attached to them. And when those connections and precious moments are suddenly stopped by the end of the E-camp, my heart hurts.
I'm so thankful for God giving me the eyes to see the transformation of the kids' hearts. The kids from day 1 were not the kids from day 4. They changed because of us, and we changed because of them.
I can't even put all my thoughts and emotions into words because they are so raw. God provides and he uses us, his tools, to spread his love. You only have to be willing and you will also be blessed.
I love these kids and I always will.
-Phil
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Child's Excitement
So I can't sleep again. Just one of those nights, I guess.
Actually, not one of those nights. Because "one of those nights" are nights where I have troubled things on my mind. This is not "one of those nights."
To be honest, I can't sleep because of pure excitement. Excitement for what? It might sound crazy, but I can't really name it either.
If I had to guess, I would say I'm excited for what God has in store for the upcoming sophomores. I heard they are a great class, and I can't wait. Their spiritual level, their social abilities, their unique quirkiness of yet again going from the top to the bottom in terms of the ministries. I can't wait for them to bless our ministry with their childlike faith. Mark 10:14 - When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
I feel a really nice vibe for the upcoming year with this group. And I can't be honored enough to even be on the council leading the student body. I get that feeling of excitement every time I think about it. I know we're only 3 people for now, but I can tell this is going to be a great year. I love the other two with all my heart and I can't think of another opportunity better than the one right in front of me, working with two great people who love the ministry as equally as I do.
I couldn't ask for a better SMT group, either. I can feel their love for God through all their hardships that they share. I know that it's going to be hard on the mission trip, but we can push through with God by our side. Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
It's 5:30 AM. I don't think I'm going to go to sleep.
Some random verses before I go that I thought were helpful when I fell into sin:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - God said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Psalms 119:105 - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
1 Peter 3:17 - For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
-Phil
P.S. I'm a PHILosopher AKA Phil-AWESOMER!!!!! :) HAHAHAHAHAH (Shout out to Ben Yoo)
P.S.S. I'm REALLY REALLY excited. I'm jumping-in-my-room-at-5:30AM excited.
Actually, not one of those nights. Because "one of those nights" are nights where I have troubled things on my mind. This is not "one of those nights."
To be honest, I can't sleep because of pure excitement. Excitement for what? It might sound crazy, but I can't really name it either.
If I had to guess, I would say I'm excited for what God has in store for the upcoming sophomores. I heard they are a great class, and I can't wait. Their spiritual level, their social abilities, their unique quirkiness of yet again going from the top to the bottom in terms of the ministries. I can't wait for them to bless our ministry with their childlike faith. Mark 10:14 - When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."
I feel a really nice vibe for the upcoming year with this group. And I can't be honored enough to even be on the council leading the student body. I get that feeling of excitement every time I think about it. I know we're only 3 people for now, but I can tell this is going to be a great year. I love the other two with all my heart and I can't think of another opportunity better than the one right in front of me, working with two great people who love the ministry as equally as I do.
I couldn't ask for a better SMT group, either. I can feel their love for God through all their hardships that they share. I know that it's going to be hard on the mission trip, but we can push through with God by our side. Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
It's 5:30 AM. I don't think I'm going to go to sleep.
Some random verses before I go that I thought were helpful when I fell into sin:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - God said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Psalms 119:105 - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
1 Peter 3:17 - For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
-Phil
P.S. I'm a PHILosopher AKA Phil-AWESOMER!!!!! :) HAHAHAHAHAH (Shout out to Ben Yoo)
P.S.S. I'm REALLY REALLY excited. I'm jumping-in-my-room-at-5:30AM excited.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
A New Chapter for All of Us
I couldn't say this at the senior banquet due to some eye malfunctions so I'll type it out - To the seniors, to my brothers and sisters: I wish you best of luck as you turn to a new chapter in your lives. I can't tell you how much this class of '10 changed and shaped my life and so I thank you. Thank you for being part of my life, thank you for being the sunshine to my darkness, thank you for being the jajangmyung to my champong. I hope we can live up to the glory you guys left behind. Thank you senior class of '10 I love you all!!!!!
How the times fly. I remember looking up at the seniors when I was a sophomore thinking they were so old and outgoing. Well I am now that image. I'm sad that my brothers and sisters are leaving, but I'm also glad to fill their shoes and do what they did to me.
I can't wait for the sophomores to come up into Journey ministry. I'm so excited to see what they have in store for the ministry. Remembering back, I didn't really want to leave YNJH and I'm sure they feel the same way. But I also remember the warmth I felt as I entered Journey ministry. I hope they feel the same warmth.
I'm really excited on what God has in store for this ministry next year. Thinking of the new sophomores, the reliable juniors, and my fellow seniors makes my heart happy. I really can't wait for the upcoming year. Good thing it starts next week.
And to my fellow seniors: WE RUN THIS TOWN
-Phil
How the times fly. I remember looking up at the seniors when I was a sophomore thinking they were so old and outgoing. Well I am now that image. I'm sad that my brothers and sisters are leaving, but I'm also glad to fill their shoes and do what they did to me.
I can't wait for the sophomores to come up into Journey ministry. I'm so excited to see what they have in store for the ministry. Remembering back, I didn't really want to leave YNJH and I'm sure they feel the same way. But I also remember the warmth I felt as I entered Journey ministry. I hope they feel the same warmth.
I'm really excited on what God has in store for this ministry next year. Thinking of the new sophomores, the reliable juniors, and my fellow seniors makes my heart happy. I really can't wait for the upcoming year. Good thing it starts next week.
And to my fellow seniors: WE RUN THIS TOWN
-Phil
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Screaming the Anger Out
Today was a good day.
Surprisingly, it was one of the better days in a while. I had a SMT meeting to go to in the morning and a very hyped up wedding to attend in the afternoon. I get through the meeting and get excited as I see my friends coming in the room with suits in hand for the wedding. We get changed, hype ourselves up even more, and head out.
The ride there wasn't the average car ride. Driving through less than comfortable neighborhoods made the arrival to the wedding that much better. It was a great setting: right beside the golf course, overlooking the pond, the sun shining, a nice breeze flowing through.
The wedding was like any other, the groomsman looking as handsome as ever, the bride shining in the white wedding dress, and the bridesmaids and the groomsmen all lined up to watch. The vows were said, the rings were exchanged, and the greeting of their parents were done.
On with the reception right? Wrong. We didn't find our RSVP passes to the main hall, and it turns out we were put in the children area.
Bad.
With our tempers rising and our self esteem dropping, we decided to go to the beach.
Probably one of the most mind clearing moments of the year. I don't even know why. Just the sound of the ocean after a stressful day seems to make it all worth it.
I had some more time to think about my future and what it could possibly hold, and I confirmed that I'm not scared anymore.
These past two days were crazy in a good way. I can't even put my thoughts into words so for now, I'll leave you with this mess to figure out yourself.
-Phil
Surprisingly, it was one of the better days in a while. I had a SMT meeting to go to in the morning and a very hyped up wedding to attend in the afternoon. I get through the meeting and get excited as I see my friends coming in the room with suits in hand for the wedding. We get changed, hype ourselves up even more, and head out.
The ride there wasn't the average car ride. Driving through less than comfortable neighborhoods made the arrival to the wedding that much better. It was a great setting: right beside the golf course, overlooking the pond, the sun shining, a nice breeze flowing through.
The wedding was like any other, the groomsman looking as handsome as ever, the bride shining in the white wedding dress, and the bridesmaids and the groomsmen all lined up to watch. The vows were said, the rings were exchanged, and the greeting of their parents were done.
On with the reception right? Wrong. We didn't find our RSVP passes to the main hall, and it turns out we were put in the children area.
Bad.
With our tempers rising and our self esteem dropping, we decided to go to the beach.
Probably one of the most mind clearing moments of the year. I don't even know why. Just the sound of the ocean after a stressful day seems to make it all worth it.
I had some more time to think about my future and what it could possibly hold, and I confirmed that I'm not scared anymore.
These past two days were crazy in a good way. I can't even put my thoughts into words so for now, I'll leave you with this mess to figure out yourself.
-Phil
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Light for my Path
I always dodged the question of the future. What do you want to do? I don't know, I would always say. But as school winded down to an end, I was scared. Scared of a future that was hard to see. Scared that the answer I always gave didn't work anymore. I was scared to go on with my life.
Tonight changed everything.
Praise night was awesome. The message was great, the song selection was great, the experience was great. For some, it was a first encounter with God. For others, it was another experience of his great love. For me, It was a revealing experience. For some reason, I didn't want to mix God with my future. I always put that separately. Church and work. Always present, never together.
Throughout junior high and high school, I felt God pushing me to do ministry work in some way. Thinking of how hard and how long of a road that would take, I always pushed it away and tucked it under the fake dreams and aspirations.
Praise night changed everything. For some reason, I doubted God with my future. I don't know how, I don't know when this started, I don't know why. But now I don't care. Through all the hardships I've been through, there should be nothing that keeps me from doubting God.
Ministry is also a very big possibility for me in the future. Although I ignored it before, I feel the strong calling towards that area, but I will keep praying for it. Biola is also a big calling for me, so who knows? Maybe I just might become P(astor) Cho just like I've been called since seventh grade.
Some things that can't leave my mind:
Isaiah 6:8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"
Mark 15:16 "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'"
Delirious - History Maker
Hillsong - Tell the World
Phil
Tonight changed everything.
Praise night was awesome. The message was great, the song selection was great, the experience was great. For some, it was a first encounter with God. For others, it was another experience of his great love. For me, It was a revealing experience. For some reason, I didn't want to mix God with my future. I always put that separately. Church and work. Always present, never together.
Throughout junior high and high school, I felt God pushing me to do ministry work in some way. Thinking of how hard and how long of a road that would take, I always pushed it away and tucked it under the fake dreams and aspirations.
Praise night changed everything. For some reason, I doubted God with my future. I don't know how, I don't know when this started, I don't know why. But now I don't care. Through all the hardships I've been through, there should be nothing that keeps me from doubting God.
Ministry is also a very big possibility for me in the future. Although I ignored it before, I feel the strong calling towards that area, but I will keep praying for it. Biola is also a big calling for me, so who knows? Maybe I just might become P(astor) Cho just like I've been called since seventh grade.
Some things that can't leave my mind:
Isaiah 6:8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"
Mark 15:16 "He said to them, 'Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.'"
Delirious - History Maker
Hillsong - Tell the World
Phil
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