The Small Things in Life

Last Friday, I went to church and met up with some teachers of mine. We talked about what we are thankful for. It occured to me that I'm thankful for having a family. I'm thankful for having supportive parents and relatives that help me through life. Who knew that living alone for a week would show such extreme results?

Like I told the teachers, I missed having the little things in life that my parents fulfilled, like making PB and J for me every morning at 6 AM and waking me up so I won't be late to school. The simple things like being greeted whenever I came home, or smelling good food cooking as I wake up from a nap. Even having the house clean and tidy. The simple things in life are not noticeable, until they are gone, and boy were they gone.

I felt something was missing ever since my parents left. Although the teachers at church and friends gave me company, there's nothing really like the company of your parents. It's just a different kind of connection. When they left, they took that part away from me, they disconnected from me, and I felt hollow.

I've been through some hard times, but this past week was really hard for me, not because I had to feed myself and drive myself, but because there was nobody there to fall back on, nobody there to be my net, nobody there to catch me when I stumble.

I don't think I ever valued my parents as much as I did until this past week (kind of ironic because they aren't even here). I don't think we, as kids, take enough time to think of all work it takes to keep us functioning like kids.

It's the little things that help kids function. It's also the little things that we, as kids, can't see until they aren't fulfilled. Like my room being magically cleaned, or the sink constantly clear of dirty dishes, or even walking into the clean dog house. I think we neglect the luxuries we are given. The luxuries given by our parents through their energy and effort.

My parents do all that for me, but what do I do for them? How do I show my love? Leaving clothes all around the house, spilling crumbs everywhere, complaining that I have to take out the trash. Nothing I do shows my gratitude towards them. Absolutely nothing.

I realized that I've been treating my parents like crap. Like they were made to serve me as a prince. This past week, I found out how good I had it. But that's why it hurts. It hurts to know that my parents put up with my demanding self and in turn, give love back. It hurts to know they work in my arrogance. It hurts to know that they know I'm treating them badly, and they accept it.

How much love do they have for me to put up with me?

I think it's time for me to show my gratitude and love towards my parents. I'm glad they went on this trip. I'm glad to have realized how stressful it has to be to put up with me because I've had to put up with myself and my trash, my clothes, and my attitude.

It's time for them to get some rest. It's time for them to be able to live more luxuriously, to live like they deserve to live.

Now they can come home to be greeted with dinner, they can come home to a mysteriously clean house, and they can sleep in on Saturdays while I work the vacuum.

To my journal,

Phil