Innocence Robbed

I miss the good old days. The days when nothing seemed to stress me out, nothing seemed to put me in a bad mood, when nothing seemed to restrict me from my happiness. Those days are gone. And they'll never come back.

I miss the days where I could run around on the beach with my sister and not have any worries in the world. I miss the days when we would try to dig holes all the way through the earth, and always stopped after the sand got cold. I miss the days when we drank coconut milk straight from the nut. I miss the days where the ocean shined with a turquoise ray across the horizon. Those were the good days.

I miss the days when I fell asleep because the room was silent. I miss the days when my house flooded with sunshine. I miss the warmth of the sun always shining down on my little body. I miss those days.

I miss the days where the sun would rise and fall on the ocean horizon and the golden rays would reflect on the ocean and the view would melt away any pain. I miss the days where the nights were warm enough to walk around with shorts and a t-shirt. I miss those days.

But what I miss the most is the sky. Oh the beautiful sky. Such a rich blue with white fluff floating carelessly with bird flying by every now and then. The sky would be my sanctuary. It would heal anything when I looked up, and it would plunge my mind into wonder. Whenever I looked up, I would be in awe of the beauty and wonder that took control of my mind. Every time I looked up, I would gasp in wonder while basking in the sun.

Even on the plane, I would always take the window seat, and I would stare out into the clouds for hours. While dreaming, there would always be that one constant thing that I would always remember. The sky. Whether it was a good dream or a bad one, I would always remember what the sky looked like, what the clouds looked like, and what the color was. Why did it captivate me as it did?

I miss those days, because I can't relive them ever again. Even the sky.

Sure, there's blue skies and clouds here also, but what I was robbed of was my innocence. The real world came down, and it stole what I loved most.

Now, the sky is, to me, a big wasteland, smog, countless amounts of planes, filth. Living life robbed me of that. More like, living with hate, disgust, and stress robbed me of my innocence.

I really miss those days.

-Phil

Never in my Wildest Dreams

How does He do it? He somehow manages to balance the scale of the world in his hand, and finds time to answer prayers.

This retreat, what struck me the most was not from retreat. It was surprisingly my sister.

It was about 10 seconds from the moment I saw her at church, and the moment she walked away and I went into the sanctuary, but those 10 seconds were unforgettable. Here's why:

Ever since I was in 8th grade and was at SMT Tijuana, I prayed for my family, but mainly my sister. Reason being, she hated church, but more so God. She despised him so much that sometimes she wouldn't go to church and tell my mom she did (when she got her license).

For some reason, I detected the lies, but I didn't know what to do except pray for her, so that's what I did. For four years, I prayed for her to go to church, to start attending regularly, to even give God another chance.

I saw no change. I saw nothing transforming. I saw disappointment on my face.

I gave up my prayer for junior year thinking it was a lost cause. But, somehow, some way, she changed last winter break. Her life broke down to her very foundations and it was rebuilt.

Her image from the senior year of highschool to sophmore year of college are direct opposites. She was selfish and hated everything about the family, but when she came home from college, she made a genuine effort to connect with every single one of the members of my family.

For example, whenever I talk to her now, she doesn't give me the evil look but she gives me a smile and actually acknowledges my existence (trust me, it can hurt when all she gives me is a glare).

But I didn't think she changed her habits on church.

New years came around, and we were all sharing our resolutions, and unbelievably, hers was to attend church while going to college, and to start fixing all the wrongs she committed when she was younger.

What the heck? That didn't sound like my sister. So I simply brushed it away thinking it was complete crap.

But God does crazy things. When retreat moved down to the college ministry on Sunday, I felt a sadness that we were back so early. But then, my sister actually poked me first and said hi. I was surprised that 1) she would do that in front of my friends and 2) she was at church.

So she said hi, and asked us why we were down so early. I answered, and she left.

It didn't hit me until later, but I realized that was church. That was actually next to the sanctuary she was in, where God was in, where her fellow classmates and students were in.

During the afternoon praise, all I could think about was my sister and my 4 years of prayer. All this time, God was listening after all. All this time, he didn't fail me, when I gave up. All this time, he was with my sister in her time of need.

So even when we fail, God doesn't. His unfailing cross saved my sister and united my family again.

God works in the weirdest ways and it's awesome!!

-Phil